When Breath Becomes Air
- mechacko
- Aug 10, 2017
- 3 min read
When Breath Becomes Air is about neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi, when he discovers he has terminal cancer. As he comes to terms with his illness, he reflects on his life and family in this memoir.
Reflection:
I was the kid who couldn't watch sad or scary movies. Labelled as a coward or crybaby by my brothers, if there was a scene where someone was getting hurt, I was either closing my eyes or running out of the room as my brothers yelled after me, "It's not real, Mary!" It wasn't just movies. I couldn't listen to my mom's phone conversations when she was on call, and I would cover my ears when my brothers recounted the stories of "epic" injuries sustained or witnessed by them during sports. Every thought of another's pain or sorrow made me wince as if I was experiencing it myself. I knew part of this aversion was childish naivete, and I hoped to outgrow it as I got older. The truth is that I haven't made much progress. I still refrain from movies with excessive violence and will excuse myself to "use the restroom" when I sense a sad scene coming on.
For this reason, when I first saw When Breath Becomes Air on the list of choices for the business honors summer reading, my initial reaction was, "There is no way." To be honest, I'm not sure what changed my mind: The challenge of facing my fear, the curiosity stemming from the class I'm teaching about legacy, or the chance to wrestle with my understanding of mortality in the wake of recent deaths among friends and family? Whatever the reason, I selected it as my summer reading assignment.
There were many times while reading this book when I questioned myself, "Why did you think you could read this?" Often, I wanted to put down the book, curl into a ball on my bed and sob. But there were also times when I was fascinated by the author's mastery of language, times when I found myself smiling in the middle of the sadness, and times when I was challenged by his perspective on the human experience. Throughout his life, Dr. Kalanithi made connections that brought purpose and humanity into the tasks he was doing. His ability to search for meaning reminded me of the value of reflection. This memoir was the author's final reflection on life, but it was apparent that he had developed this ability over time.
It is hard to imagine being in Dr. Kalanithi's situation, or any one of his friends or family. But it was inspiring to see that through reflecting on his life and trying to share that reflection, he was able to find hope in the pain. He gave his wife and newborn daughter, his friends, and thousands of readers the opportunity to hear his voice and the challenge to reflect on their own lives. This message moved me to continue reflecting through my life and constantly revisit my values and search for truth and connection in my experiences.
Some of my favorite passages:
- "If the unexamined life was not worth living, was the unlived life worth examining?"
- "In my life, had I ever made a decision harder than choosing between a French dip and a Reuben? How could I ever learn to make, and live with, such judgement calls?...Somehow, I had to believe, I would gain not only knowledge but wisdom, too."
- "Because the brain mediates our experience of the world, any neurosurgical problem forces a patient and family, ideally with a doctor as a guide, to answer the question: What makes life meaningful enough to go on living?"
